I’m sorry. I’m sorry you didn’t get the perfectly filtered mom only found on Instagram. You deserve her. You deserve the carefree mama who laughs at the messes and realizes that being around the perfection of you is worth every moment of stress.
But that’s not what you got.
Most of my life I have been intrenched in a fairly well-hidden battle with anxiety. This is, in fact, the first time I have discussed this fight in such detail, but I need to for your sake. I need you to understand this issue because you need to know that IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT. When I get stressed and have to walk away for a minute to collect myself, IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT. When I have to get very quiet and focus on my own breath, IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT. This problem didn’t start with you. It is MY ISSUE and not yours. I’ve tried very hard to make it clear that it’s my cross to bear because I don’t want you to live the way I have to live.
This is an especially hard truth to share as many will no doubt comment that I just need to “pray it off of me” or scold me for not heeding what I know are multiple Biblical commands regarding fear and anxiety. I want you to know that I spend a great deal of my time praying that God will heal me, and I believe He will, but until then I am trying to understand what good could come of this…and I’m hoping that perhaps this public admission is the start of some of that good.
When you were growing in my belly, I consistently prayed one prayer over you-that you wouldn’t live in fear. I pleaded the blood of Jesus over your mind that you would not be controlled by worry the way I have been at times. I spoke against generational curses that would try and destroy you. This is why I actually rejoice at your daredevil tendencies and cheer that you have “never met a stranger”.
You are EXACTLY what I prayed for those nine months you lived within me. As long as I’m alive, I will keep declaring that you will live without worry about tomorrow. The truth is, I would gladly live the rest of my life in this prison of anxiety if it meant you never had to stay there for one day.
But staying this way is not the solution I’m looking for. Just as I spoke God’s peace and favor over you, I declare it for myself and my friends who struggle as well, because I know this sickness is not the abundant life we are entitled to.
So today, I’m holding fast to these scriptures for myself and my readers:
“I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.” Psalm 118:17
“…our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
“Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:18-19
Lindsey M. Schreiber 
I met you when we lived in Gallatin Tenn. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I dont think what you speak about is a sickness. You have a sweet Godly personality, and a wonderful husband, and the most precious son. That you trained so well. And brought him up to love God, and to pray. You are a great leader for the youth, i seen that when we attended at the COGOP in Gallatin. I dont really know you personally, but i feel an unexplainable bond with you. It could be cause your a christain, or a zeal to work for the Lord, but i have so much respect for you, how you raise your child, how you work in the church, how your a good wife. You are certainly “BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED”. i didnt realize that you had a quiet and fearful side that saten taunts you with. But i know how to pray for my young sisters need. And i know that you belong to the one who calms the troubled waters and speaks to the wind “Peace be Still”!!! Stand your ground! Be strong! And constantly tell satan to get behind you, cause your pushing through this storm, and your not turning back. And you’ll get there!!! No looking back!!! Were almost home!!!
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Thank you so much for your kind words and support!
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Great blog! For too long, Christians have felt the need to hide their struggle with anxiety. In reality, being open helps us join together and realize we are not alone. We can live victorious, one day at a time, supporting each other.
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Thank you! I hate the stigma we’ve put on mental health issues in the Church. God can certainly deliver us, but often I believe He wants the Church to be the healing arms. I pray God would help us to never leave the hurting in the shadows.
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I wanted to add to my previous post. It has been an exhausting dayand weekend for me. But when i go to bed at night, that’s when i check facebook for the last time of the day, i then pray in my quiet time before i go to sleep adding all the new things that friends on facebook has requested prayer for. So i was laying here thinking about your blog and what it is that i feel a bond about….then it hit me. My mom was like that! But she was a severe form. She would have nervous breakdowns as i was growing up, and i was the baby, so my older sister basically raised me. And had to play the mother part alot of the time. But i had to learn to “deal” with her problem (that i never understood)but also i had to learn to love her through it. She never understood it herself. I didnt tell you this to scare you, but in hopes of you to understand that your true friends and your family, and your church family WILL LOVE YOU THROUGH IT, AND HELP YOU TO GET THROUGH IT. All of us has our own personal problems and sicknesses, but we need each others help. We cannot do it alone. You have already reached out, by doing this blog, dont be afraid to ask for help. (I want to shout) but i dont want to scare my sleeping husband to death!!! Sending prayers your way!!!
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